Going Inside
In the past 3 years, I've been starting a new journey of going inside. I have much more time to have an honest deep talk with myself, understand what am I feeling, and learn to be a good company for myself. Weird? I don't know. Maybe it's the time for me to finally taking a step back to focus on myself more and going inside before facing the world and going outside.
So what did I do during the journey of going inside?
1. Journaling
Just like the younger version of myself writing diary, but it's upgraded version. Not just writing what did I do today, but more into how am I feeling, what's in my mind, how i overcome things, and so much things to write. Journaling is one of therapeutic activities when I'm not feeling well. When I'm angry, write it out. When I'm sad, write it out. When I'm overwhelmed, write it out. There are times when I feel like i wanna get mad at my colleagues but before that I journal it first. Surprisingly it helps me calm down. The same goes when I'm feeling sad because some random things some people said. Journaling helps a lot not only during hard time but also during happy time.
I also write my gratitude list on the journal, to remind me that I'm blessed with whatever it is now. Journaling is like telling all inside your brain, mind, and heart to a friend that will never judge. And also you could revisit anytime since you write it privately for yourself. I myself prefer write it manually on a notebook because i limit my screen time. Too many distraction on that tiny little cellphone. Thou, I admit I do journaling just when I feel I need to. But, hey! May be this year could be a great start to journal regularly, isn't it?
2. Walking
Walking is my favorite exercise. I could walk up to 15.000 steps (if I want to). Walking help me pause a bit from all the fast-paced world around me. Having energy to move my legs going here and there makes me realize how great my body is. And it doesn't take too much effort to doing it. At least I could walk without losing my breath, taking my own pace, and still enjoying the scenery around me. It also helps me lose this extra weight I gain during all those hard times. During 2020 I managed to have several morning walks from 5000steps to 10.000+ steps. Is it fun to walk alone? Of course. Because we could observe surroundings, seeing sky at its best, and it's a bonus if you could breath a fresh air during the morning walk. So good. It's really easy to make this a healthy habit. Walking out door is fun, but walking inside home is another thing. There are many youtube videos I could find to still stay active walking inside home. I could say it's another challenge, but not boring at all. Go check walk at home and joanna soh channel to a great walk at home to try.
3. Meditation
This one is new for me. Meditation claimed to help reduce stress and anxiety, but actually the effect is beyond than that. I ever join a webinar about health meditation and there are so many testimony how meditation helps people recover from various health problem (physically and mentally). Meditation is an activity where we should only focus on our breath, a moment of stillness and mindfulness, not thinking about anything in mind. When I start practicing meditation, I could only focus for 5 count and my minds starts wander. And If you've try and experienced the same, high five! But after several practice and trying to focus on breath, I can focus for 5 to 30 mins. What an achievement, thanks to those relaxing meditation playlist on spotify. I recommend peace sea podcast on spotify if you new to mediation because the series is really helpful and there are also talks about each meditation topics.
How meditation helps me going inside? Sitting quiet and forcing mind to focus only on breath magically helps me find a moment of pause. I could be aware about how I breath, how my surroundings, how am I feeling, and I even can really observe how each part of my body feels. I also could put one or two intention during meditation session and sometimes meeting some great ideas, aha moments, or tearing all my heart out during sessions. This might sound so fake, but really, after meditation i could feel my heart in such a relief. Other time i could sweat out, and even feel so dizzy and really sleepy. How fascinating it is. I thought all those zen master is just a chosen one, but I bet they also practice a lot. I aim to be as calm as all those meditation practitioners.
Then how journaling, walking, and meditation helps me going inside? Those 3 activities main focus is on myslef, on my breath, how I see myself, and how I feel. I bet those helps me know myself better not only physically as in my body, but also mentally like how I feel, how I perceive things, and how I do the living. Those 3 combos really helps me throuh all happy and sad moments. And byt understanding myself, I could loosen up my ambition on outside things. Because focusing on myself is my current priority and it's also takes much energy. I'm still practicing thou'. But I could say I'm improving and getting to know myself better. May be you should try , too? Cause why not?
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